My friend Joyce passed away three years ago today. I will never forget it.
A lot has changed in the past three years, but the constant has been how much I miss her. I still think of her every day, and the smallest thing can trigger a memory - the sound of a diesel engine, the smell of perfume, a picture, or a favorite piece of jewlery. I was afraid that as time went on, I would start to think of her less, but I’ve found that it’s just the opposite - I think of her more.
I was on my way out to the barn when Jess called me with the news. I remember exactly where I was, what I was wearing, and what was on my mind. I remember the feeling of my stomach sinking, and feeling like I wanted to throw up. The only place I could think of to go was to keep on my way out to the barn. I made it there, and sat on the picnic table with the girls all of us stunned and speechless, but trying to be strong while my world was spinning out of control.
Four days later, I stood in silence at her casket, remembering my friend and remembering the good times we had together.
They say that when you’re dying, your entire life flashes before your eyes - and although I was still very much alive, my entire relationship with Joyce flashed before mine in that moment.
A piece of me died with her, three years ago today. I haven’t been the same since then. My life has changed so much - and mostly for the better - but her death was the kinetic energy that moved those changes forward. I feel like her dying opened my eyes - I started seeing people for who they truly were, and started seeing through some of the lies.
There were some really hard times the last couple years of her life. But I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason, and the challenge is to find the lesson in those hard times.
Joyce taught me many things, about horsemanship, about sportsmanship, about life. But the one thing that has stuck with me the most is to follow your instinct and, most importantly, to follow your dreams.
I can only hope that I have made her proud in the past three years.
And now, for my yearly plea to my friends and followers:
If you know someone who is abusing drugs or alcohol, or someone who is depressed, please do not turn a blind eye. DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO GET THEM THE HELP THEY NEED. Addiction and depression are serious diseases that should not be pushed aside just because the affected person is difficult to deal with. Likewise, if you feel that you are depressed or relying on drugs or alcohol to cope with emotional trauma or psychological issues, PLEASE get help before it is too late. Remember, someone loves you, no matter who you are.
24/7 Addiction Helpline: (800) 521-7128
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: (800) 273-8255
I miss you, Joyce. Life is so beautiful…you would love it here.
